Archive for October, 2006

Lazy People

October 31, 2006

Dear lazy-butts,

I’m talking to you if you’re on a couch watching TV and eating cheesy-poofs. Get up and work! You need to stop relying on people like me to carry you through life! There is work out there. The sadly-likely Democrat Regime will begin with thunder in 2008, and will end in misery in 2012, as Hillary or some other clone-nightmare will take our country as deep into the sewers as they can.

I don’t care if you like President Bush or not, but the man had enough balls to stand up for what is right. The Democrats’ method of leaving everyone alone opens the door to every nutcase-country in the world to create more mayhem than Ted Kennedy at Spring Break in Miami. Making deals with terrorists is like making a deal with a crocodile as to when he will eat you.
Don’t fall prey to the welfare state! Stop taking handouts from others because you can rationalize that you deserve it. You don’t. Halloween, Christmas, and birthdays. That’s it. The lunch line’s closed.

Don’t vote for the Democrats. They want to take from the rich (that is, people who WORK FOR A LIVING) and give it to the poor (THE LAZY-ASS’S WHO CAN”T COMPREHEND THAT THE WORLD HAS TO WORK).

Remember; there are two types of people in this country: Americans and Liberals.

Get a job,



Elisabeth Shue, Edgar Cayce, and J. Edgar Hoover

October 30, 2006

Good news,

I finished the weekly horoscope in record time. The ghosts of Edgar Cayce and J. Edgar Hoover told me what to do. I shouldn’t joke about that; a former girlfriend (a different one from the psycho) can no longer watch TV since the TV “tells her what to do.” She wanted to get married at one time; dodged that bullet.

Elisabeth Shue has still not shown up on my doorstep. Maybe she’s afraid she wouldn’t be able to handle all the sex; I dunno.

Anyway, check out the horoscope. If any of it comes true – PLEASE LET ME KNOW!

Remove the old paint first,


Women and girls

October 28, 2006

They’re wacked.

Russian Brides

October 27, 2006

Dear Stupid Commies,

I wanted to do an entire website on Russian Brides, so I stuck a few on the ‘ransom’ page. If you really, really want a bride this could come in handy. I don’t know about these sites, but most of them are scams. There are a lot of websites out there designed to expose the fraudulent ones. If you really want a Russian chick, go to Moscow or St. Petersburg and DATE. Don’t order one over the phone. Go eat your pizza at the parlor.

I have this great friend who does some amazingly stupid things. He told me he was heading out to the Phillipines for a vacation. I told him to be careful, or he’ll end up with a bride. What did he do? You guessed it.

This fiasco ended up costing thousands of dollars; most of his retirement is gone now. I suggested the next time he wanted to spent $10K on a screw to head out to Wells, Nevada and get a piece for $100 bucks.

That’s what they tell me it costs.

Stay in school,


Free Horoscope

October 25, 2006

Dear Wanna-be Zodiac Killers,

I have a FREE HOROSCOPE just for you on my website! That’s right! FREE! This is a WEEKLY HOROSCOPE, UPDATED EVERY MONDAY MORNING!

Does this sound like an advertisement? Yes? Well, it’s not! I’m not selling horoscopes, but these are the MOST ACCURATE HOROSCOPES KNOWN TO MANKIND! THEY WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE (UNLIKELY). Although they are meant for entertainment purposes only, odds are that at least one of my predictions will be spot-on! And if one of these things does come true, let me know.

Remember, this is a horoscope put together by your pals (buddies?) at

You’ll thank me later,

Glaston (Nobby’s friend)

Corpsey novel

October 25, 2006

Hey consumers,

Just received the proofs (galleys) for the book. I’m not happy. There were mostly formatting errors to correct. One spelling error. There are over 100 corrections and they only allow 100. It’s only going to cost around $40, but I want it done right. Anyway, if anyone gives a rat’s ass, I will keep you posted.

Save up $13.95,



October 23, 2006

Okay hippies,

My website, is up again. It should stay that way.

Good night


October 22, 2006

Hey fellow Pastafarians,

If you are going to visit my website, please go to:

The other one is dead at the moment.



October 19, 2006


Wanna have some fun? Are you sure?? Then head over to the ‘Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster’ website! The URL is:

I love harrassing the Darwinists. They really come unglued when you find ways to refute evolution.

Believe… or die.




October 19, 2006

Dear Nightmare Bitch,

Yeah, you know who you are. Thank you for placing the knife in my heart. You f*****g cow! You started out with good intentions, constant sex, loving cards, etc. Then the Satan you had bottled-up so well burst out and took charge.

I learned to not talk to you in the mornings, since it bothered your peace and quiet. You used sex as a weapon, and made me beg for love and appreciation. I put you into not just one, but two incredible carreers. You took my beautiful $40k car whenever you felt like you had to be the F*****g Princess in town. And the only way I earned a blowjob was if I jumped through all the hoops flawlessly every day. And you didn’t swallow, either.
Well, dear L.R (or L.W. as you were formerly known), I took that horrible relationship and sad little white-trash-life-of-yours and turned it into a movie that will be completed next year and shown at Sundance.

Thanks, you white-trash bitch, for making me a lot of money off your psychotic behavior.

Piss off…Ha-ha…