Archive for December, 2006

Where to find Corpsey the Bear

December 29, 2006

Dudes / Babes,

You may find my book at amazon.com, borders.com, and barnesandnoble.com. The book is priced at $13.95 and anyone who buys it may get it autographed by me. Does that mean anything? Probably not. But, as I tell my friends: “Buy the book, have me autograph it, and when I die, you can sell it on eBay and make money!”

Ahem,

Glastonbury

The Book Is Here!

December 22, 2006

Yes, kiddywinks, Corpsey the Bear has been unleashed on the world.

The book is available on Barnes and Noble’s website and amazon.com.

Buy or die,

Glaston

P.S.: I hope that didn’t sound too threatening or intimidating.

How the Democrats Plan to Kill Pres. Bush

December 20, 2006

Think I’m kidding?

I’m not. The DNC has a fool-proof plan to place Hillary Clinton in the White House. Grab your balls ’cause we’re going for a ride…

Here’s the game plan: Dick Cheney will have a ‘heart attack’ and die. Nancy Pelosi will then fill his shoes. That leaves Bush wide-open and there are not enough Secret Service agents to protect his ass in this case. The Dems will make sure it looks like a terrorist retaliation for going into Iraq, etc. Pelosi will step in as President. She could make Hillary V.P. and then step down, since she will probably have her life threatened as well. Next, H.R.H. Obama will move in as the token Muslim and help Uncle Osama bring some of the ‘relatives’ over for a visit. A long visit.

Should we be scared? Yup. Every President’s granted three gratis assassinations, so Hillary’s going to sharpen a few knives. Did I say ‘knives’? I did, because she and Diane Feinstein will have all the guns taken away.

But that’s okay. Me and my crew can take over more territory.

Stop the Democrat Assassination Machine now!

Glaston

Corpsey the Bear Website

December 15, 2006

Amigos,

Corpsey the Bear’s website will be down for some time thanks to a shoddy business known as ‘MSTAR’. MSTAR is based in Salt Lake City, and like most businesses in Utah, they are fly-by-night and devious. My host and I were recently hosed-over by them and already it’s cost my friend $8,000.00 in lost revenue.

What happened: my buddy’s set-up served over 100 individuals with a Priority One line. He had difficulty with one of his five IP addresses. He made a quick call to MSTAR, believing that they would fix the problem. Instead, they shut down ALL his IP addresses. Individuals that were signed up with him began selling their contracts. Within 4 days he lost $8,000.00 worth of income.

MSTAR. Did they fix the problem? No. It’s been a week now and they continue to argue over policies. There has been a great deal of lip-service from incompetent techies who ‘can fix anything’.

Bottom line: we’re being dicked with, with a typical, poorly-run Utah technology business. My advice? Use a business outside the state for your web hosting and DNS services.

My advice to my friend? When it hits a loss of $25K (March, 2007), sue the living Hell out of them.

Don’t make me tell you twice,

Glaston

Damien

December 11, 2006

Satan worshippers:

Anyone know which Democratic hopeful running for the White House is really Damien? I’m still banking on Hillary.

Just curious.

Glastonbury

Technorati found me!

December 11, 2006

Technorati Profile

Christmas is truly for the Capitalist at heart.

December 5, 2006

Marxists,

Angry at the US capitalist machine? Hate Christmas? Hate Jesus merely because he’s Jewish?

Damn! You must be a Socialist or Liberal.

I’m neither and will be honest: I do not; absolutely not, understand the mentality of the liberals. Socialists I can deal with, because they’re on the other side of the world and don’t mean a damn thing in the grand scheme of things.

I hate Christmas and there never was a more adamant Capitalist / Republican on the planet. I eat Liberals for breakfast. Pussies. But, I hate Christmas because this country has been brain-washed into believing that this time of year is a time of giving. And the more you give means only two things: you’re a bloody arse and want to show off how well-off you are, or, you feel obligated. Failure to honor the latter means you don’t really care about those around you, and remember; they do crave the largest and most expensive.

Don’t fall prey to the merchant’s shit; it can only get worse each year. Shop in the summertime. Buy what’s useful for those around you, and if your kids want the latest what-not, then by all means DON’T BUY THEM THAT SHIT.

As for me and mine, I don’t give a rat’s ass what anyone expects from me. During the year either commit random acts of kindness… or violence. It’s your call, and no manufacturer can make that decision for you.

As for me and my house, we’re making presents, and the kids are pissed.

Remember: the things you own can end up owning you,

Glaston

Ooops… I did it again…

December 4, 2006

My dearest Britney,

How proud I am of your recent crotch-shot. I feel much better knowing that you took that route instead of being paid $100 Million for a Playboy spread. Don’t want anyone to see all of you naked at once! Nice to know you didn’t forget to shave this morning. Don’t want to give anyone razor burn.

All my love,

Glaston

P.S.: You’re a total slut.

I know why it happened. Blame Paris. One Night in Paris got rave reviews and Britney needed to try to get back on top. Lindsey Lohan (am I the only one who hasn’t slept with her?) is going to top both of them by flashing her tits during her USO tour in Iraq.

Yes; they are horny, my dear, but all boobs pretty much look the same. Especially when the only women you can have sex with wear black veils, and you can’t even tell what sex they are.

All this nonsense is propagated by the media, looking for the latest ‘scoop’. My advice? Stop prostituting yourselves and find a respectable career.

Since the Olsen twins have disappeared for awhile, will their publicist ‘accidentally’ leak a video of the two participating in a foursome, an incestuous Lesbian act, or, will they just be tasteful like the other washed-up child actresses and run straight to Playboy?

I think we all know the answer to that: all of the above.

A stitch in time, saves nine,

Glaston