Archive for the ‘News and politics’ Category

Elisabeth Shue – still smokin’!

March 7, 2007

Elisabeth ShueWTF!?

What’s the matter with you clowns? I’m hearing all these Negative Nancys out there slamming Elisabeth Shue. Hey, we all get old, and I’ll guarantee not one of her critics would kick her out of bed.

I do make fun of her – as well as a myriad of people – in my book and on my website, but I still have the greatest respect for her. She is the mother of three kids, happily married (dammit), and has a degree in Political Science from Harvard. She managed to do all that while still making films.

She may not have made terrific films over the years, but at least she hung in there and did what she loves to do. She is still greatly respected by the Hollywood business, and she will continue to earn that respect. Haven’t seen her in any scandals like so many obnoxious actors out there, so again – kudos to Elisabeth.

And the next time some piss-ant wants to slam her because she “looks bad” in a photo, stick your pathetic mug on the internet so we can have a crack at you.

Thank you, Elisabeth. Keep up the good work.

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The Book Is Here!

December 22, 2006

Yes, kiddywinks, Corpsey the Bear has been unleashed on the world.

The book is available on Barnes and Noble’s website and amazon.com.

Buy or die,

Glaston

P.S.: I hope that didn’t sound too threatening or intimidating.

How the Democrats Plan to Kill Pres. Bush

December 20, 2006

Think I’m kidding?

I’m not. The DNC has a fool-proof plan to place Hillary Clinton in the White House. Grab your balls ’cause we’re going for a ride…

Here’s the game plan: Dick Cheney will have a ‘heart attack’ and die. Nancy Pelosi will then fill his shoes. That leaves Bush wide-open and there are not enough Secret Service agents to protect his ass in this case. The Dems will make sure it looks like a terrorist retaliation for going into Iraq, etc. Pelosi will step in as President. She could make Hillary V.P. and then step down, since she will probably have her life threatened as well. Next, H.R.H. Obama will move in as the token Muslim and help Uncle Osama bring some of the ‘relatives’ over for a visit. A long visit.

Should we be scared? Yup. Every President’s granted three gratis assassinations, so Hillary’s going to sharpen a few knives. Did I say ‘knives’? I did, because she and Diane Feinstein will have all the guns taken away.

But that’s okay. Me and my crew can take over more territory.

Stop the Democrat Assassination Machine now!

Glaston

Damien

December 11, 2006

Satan worshippers:

Anyone know which Democratic hopeful running for the White House is really Damien? I’m still banking on Hillary.

Just curious.

Glastonbury

Ooops… I did it again…

December 4, 2006

My dearest Britney,

How proud I am of your recent crotch-shot. I feel much better knowing that you took that route instead of being paid $100 Million for a Playboy spread. Don’t want anyone to see all of you naked at once! Nice to know you didn’t forget to shave this morning. Don’t want to give anyone razor burn.

All my love,

Glaston

P.S.: You’re a total slut.

I know why it happened. Blame Paris. One Night in Paris got rave reviews and Britney needed to try to get back on top. Lindsey Lohan (am I the only one who hasn’t slept with her?) is going to top both of them by flashing her tits during her USO tour in Iraq.

Yes; they are horny, my dear, but all boobs pretty much look the same. Especially when the only women you can have sex with wear black veils, and you can’t even tell what sex they are.

All this nonsense is propagated by the media, looking for the latest ‘scoop’. My advice? Stop prostituting yourselves and find a respectable career.

Since the Olsen twins have disappeared for awhile, will their publicist ‘accidentally’ leak a video of the two participating in a foursome, an incestuous Lesbian act, or, will they just be tasteful like the other washed-up child actresses and run straight to Playboy?

I think we all know the answer to that: all of the above.

A stitch in time, saves nine,

Glaston

What happens when that which exits a democrat’s mouth hits the fan…

November 17, 2006

Hey,

The recent comment-off-the-top-of the-head by the democrats came about because they already had both feet in their mouths. “We can have the troops out in 4 – 6 months.” I completely agree.

I agree because I have created a fool-proof (democrat-proof) method of determining when we’re ready to leave: have those democratic leaders and their families take an unescorted trip through the lovely neighborhoods of Basrah. Not all the leaders at once. Just one family group at a time. Too many Americans could be perceived as a threat, right?

And, in my research, I do agree that this can be done. Other things that can be accomplished in an equally timely fashion:

1. Remove and replace your transmission yourself in 4 – 6 days.

2. Complete all your Christmas shopping for everyone on your list in 4 – 6 hours.

3. Rehabilitate any child sex offender in 4 – 6 months.

4. Write a quality novel in 4 – 6 weeks.

5. Give your significant other the best sex of their life in 4 – 6 minutes.

There are numerous examples that don’t even need to be mentioned. The point is, if you’re going to do something right, take the proper time needed. If I was a U.S. soldier who was sitting in the next world, proud of my efforts, and spending my days trying to drop rocks on Stalin’s head from my perch, the last thing I want to see is a group of circus peanuts destroying my sacrifice. It’s all posturing. And in this case, the democrats are not only pissing in the wind, they’re pissing on our soldier’s sacrifices.

And before I run off, I would like to nominate Tom Daschle and family to tour Bagdad and see if it’s safe to send the Clintons over.

More haste, less speed,

Glaston Dex

Route 666

November 12, 2006

Animal lovers,

Yes, the Democrats have control now. And with our Republican leader, that means that now there will be more time pissing in each other’s Cheerios than in actually accomplishing anything. And now I’m going to tell you whose fault it is.

I don’t really, really, really, really give a rat’s ass if you like President Bush or not. I think I’ve made that clear. Mainly because it’s an opinion. And it’s so EASY to pervert YOUR thinking into believing he is a monster.

That’s because we have a liberal media.

Oh, now, before you throw your head back and start shouting, “He doesn’t know what the Hell he’s talking about,” I want you to look at a few logical thought processes.

When we have a leader in office who is known for womanizing, and he embarrasses our country to a point that everyone secretly wants him out; it’s a problem. But look at him (Billy) now. He is a respected ‘leader’ in the eyes of the liberals. Why? Because he’s all you’ve got. And he was brought back to power because we have kept him tucked away in the backyard on a leash, where he can’t do any harm. Now if he porks Mr. Rogers’ french poodle down the block, no one cares.

Who brought this nightmare back? You, Hillary, and the Press.

Why Hillary? It’s because SHE’S ALL YOU’VE GOT. Think about it. Has she done anything different than any other Dem Senator that you’ve put into office? Nope. Not really anything different. She walks around with her chin in the air with a smirk on her face that reads: If you elect me, I will re-open Route 666 and see if Satan wants to be Secretary of State. That ‘proud’ woman, with that irritating look on her face that smacks of someone’s well-paid, ex-wife who runs around letting everyone know that she might be in line for ‘Maurder of the Year’.

I really think that it’s in the blood of the liberals to hate a republican leader, because they’re a threat to you. And we all know why you’re scared: it’s because you want a Welfare State, and people like President Bush want you to start using that four-letter-word: WORK.

Can I handle a Dem President? Yup. But you have to show me one that has morals and wants to make America strong.

So stop being fooled by advertising, start thinking for yourself, get the Hell out of college (you could have graduated 3 years ago, right?), start your occupation, and get a life.

Take Route 66 instead,

Glaston

Hugo Chavez may need an ass beating.

November 9, 2006

Hello, boys and girls,

No, I’m not kidding. I’ve done a lot of research in this area and I’m convinced that the Socialist Wanna-be World Power, Hugo Chavez, is long overdue.

His comments toward President Bush at the U.N. were uncalled-for and childish. Please don’t take this clown seriously or you will be part of an uninformed minority. This powerless, emasculated, cross-dresser seems to forget where he is. Calling for Bush to be tried for ‘War Crimes’ gives yet another meaning to the word, ‘inane’.

I do have a wonderful solution for the U.N.: when you leave, Chavez, take it with you. You can have it free of charge and we’ll call it condemned. Then, when you go home, you can play dress-up and pretend you are a grown, thinking man who still packs his genitalia wherever he goes.

My idea for the U.N. is even easier: on a Saturday morning, have the military search the premises for any weekend workers (optional). Then, you chain the doors shut, post guards around the perimeter and execute anyone who tries to enter.

And don’t forget the “Closed To Business” signs.

Hey, a boy can still dream, can’t he?

Glastonbury