Bribes from Carl’s Jr.

February 21, 2007

I received my bribes this afternoon from Carl’s Jr. Pretty pathetic. Essentially it’s enough coupon to give me $3.99 in burgers. I make around a couple of hundred dollars an hour and they wasted 20 mins of my life on the phone. And for some damn reason I was under the impression they would actually do something.

Well, I’m heading over to the Carl’s Jr. I fondly call the ‘Nuclear Wastland’ to take pictures for my Carl’s Jr. website.

Bastards

Carl’s Jr.

February 17, 2007

I recently purchased http://www.carlsjr.net, a website dedicated to bringing you exotic animal and endangered species recipes.

Why this website, you ask?

Because I can. How often does an opportunity like this show up? I’m not stating that I’m part of the CKE family, because I’m not. I love the food at Carl’s Jr. and eat there at least twice a day.

Anyway, the recipes will be accurate. It’s up to you to decide which meat you want to use.

Glastonbury Dex

Book sales for “Corpsey the Bear” better than expected!

February 8, 2007

My fans,

I stopped calling you names just long enough to say, “Thanks.” Sales are doing well. The book has been widely-accepted and much appreciated.

Work on my second book has begun. Nothing to do with Corpsey. Sorry.

Glaston

Where to find Corpsey the Bear

December 29, 2006

Dudes / Babes,

You may find my book at amazon.com, borders.com, and barnesandnoble.com. The book is priced at $13.95 and anyone who buys it may get it autographed by me. Does that mean anything? Probably not. But, as I tell my friends: “Buy the book, have me autograph it, and when I die, you can sell it on eBay and make money!”

Ahem,

Glastonbury

The Book Is Here!

December 22, 2006

Yes, kiddywinks, Corpsey the Bear has been unleashed on the world.

The book is available on Barnes and Noble’s website and amazon.com.

Buy or die,

Glaston

P.S.: I hope that didn’t sound too threatening or intimidating.

How the Democrats Plan to Kill Pres. Bush

December 20, 2006

Think I’m kidding?

I’m not. The DNC has a fool-proof plan to place Hillary Clinton in the White House. Grab your balls ’cause we’re going for a ride…

Here’s the game plan: Dick Cheney will have a ‘heart attack’ and die. Nancy Pelosi will then fill his shoes. That leaves Bush wide-open and there are not enough Secret Service agents to protect his ass in this case. The Dems will make sure it looks like a terrorist retaliation for going into Iraq, etc. Pelosi will step in as President. She could make Hillary V.P. and then step down, since she will probably have her life threatened as well. Next, H.R.H. Obama will move in as the token Muslim and help Uncle Osama bring some of the ‘relatives’ over for a visit. A long visit.

Should we be scared? Yup. Every President’s granted three gratis assassinations, so Hillary’s going to sharpen a few knives. Did I say ‘knives’? I did, because she and Diane Feinstein will have all the guns taken away.

But that’s okay. Me and my crew can take over more territory.

Stop the Democrat Assassination Machine now!

Glaston

Corpsey the Bear Website

December 15, 2006

Amigos,

Corpsey the Bear’s website will be down for some time thanks to a shoddy business known as ‘MSTAR’. MSTAR is based in Salt Lake City, and like most businesses in Utah, they are fly-by-night and devious. My host and I were recently hosed-over by them and already it’s cost my friend $8,000.00 in lost revenue.

What happened: my buddy’s set-up served over 100 individuals with a Priority One line. He had difficulty with one of his five IP addresses. He made a quick call to MSTAR, believing that they would fix the problem. Instead, they shut down ALL his IP addresses. Individuals that were signed up with him began selling their contracts. Within 4 days he lost $8,000.00 worth of income.

MSTAR. Did they fix the problem? No. It’s been a week now and they continue to argue over policies. There has been a great deal of lip-service from incompetent techies who ‘can fix anything’.

Bottom line: we’re being dicked with, with a typical, poorly-run Utah technology business. My advice? Use a business outside the state for your web hosting and DNS services.

My advice to my friend? When it hits a loss of $25K (March, 2007), sue the living Hell out of them.

Don’t make me tell you twice,

Glaston

Damien

December 11, 2006

Satan worshippers:

Anyone know which Democratic hopeful running for the White House is really Damien? I’m still banking on Hillary.

Just curious.

Glastonbury

Technorati found me!

December 11, 2006

Technorati Profile

Christmas is truly for the Capitalist at heart.

December 5, 2006

Marxists,

Angry at the US capitalist machine? Hate Christmas? Hate Jesus merely because he’s Jewish?

Damn! You must be a Socialist or Liberal.

I’m neither and will be honest: I do not; absolutely not, understand the mentality of the liberals. Socialists I can deal with, because they’re on the other side of the world and don’t mean a damn thing in the grand scheme of things.

I hate Christmas and there never was a more adamant Capitalist / Republican on the planet. I eat Liberals for breakfast. Pussies. But, I hate Christmas because this country has been brain-washed into believing that this time of year is a time of giving. And the more you give means only two things: you’re a bloody arse and want to show off how well-off you are, or, you feel obligated. Failure to honor the latter means you don’t really care about those around you, and remember; they do crave the largest and most expensive.

Don’t fall prey to the merchant’s shit; it can only get worse each year. Shop in the summertime. Buy what’s useful for those around you, and if your kids want the latest what-not, then by all means DON’T BUY THEM THAT SHIT.

As for me and mine, I don’t give a rat’s ass what anyone expects from me. During the year either commit random acts of kindness… or violence. It’s your call, and no manufacturer can make that decision for you.

As for me and my house, we’re making presents, and the kids are pissed.

Remember: the things you own can end up owning you,

Glaston